Menstrual Cup 2…

Guys, go grab some tissues and hit up Pornhub. This one is for the ladies. Have fun!

So, the menstrual cup is a win. It hasn’t spilled so much as a drop, as yet. You’ll want to wear a pantyliner as there may be a minor amount of collateral leakage during the ‘freshening up’ process. It’s weird to know what to call that. You aren’t changing it, like you change a pad or a tampon, so I guess freshening up is a nice, lady-like term that doesn’t allude to the sheer gruesomeness of it.

I’ll go into detail. It kind of vacuum seals up in there and you have to reach in and wiggle it a bit to break the seal and get it out. There is a little pouk sound as it pops free and you tilt it up and, admit it, you’re going to examine the contents. No need, I’ll describe!

The blood settles at the bottom, and the clear vaginal fluid floats on the top. So it basically looks like one of those fancy layered shots they serve at the bar, but you really don’t want to drink this, and if you do, um, that’s really none of my business.

Moving right along, you dump it out in the toilet, carefully, you don’t want to drop your cup in there, and it will be a bit slippery with vaginal fluid. I fully wash the cup with soap & water, rinse well, I like to dry mine with tissue, then blow off any tissue fibres, then re-insert. I’m lucky because I have a small bathroom and can reach the sink without moving too much. If you have a bigger bathroom than me, which is everybody, then I suppose you would stuff a bit of tissue between your thighs and waddle on over to the sink. Or I suppose you could squat in front of the sink, but make sure there’s no carpet underneath you, floors cleanup easier, if there’s a problem.

Now, this is something you are not really going to want to do in a public bathroom, especially the communal type with stalls, and probably especially the co-ed bathrooms that are… yeah, I hate those. Just because we’re equal doesn’t mean we want to share a bathroom with dudes. Gross.

If you have a bathroom of the type where it’s one at a time and you can lock the door, think Starbucks, then you might be able to go for it, but still, I’d try to wait, if I could. You never know how sanitary anything is in a public bathroom. For all you know they keep their bathroom tissue loose and stacked on a dirty floor with mouse turds, and a disgruntled employee might’ve jizzed in the soap. No thanks. But in a pinch, I guess I’d trust the water.

Thankfully, you can leave it in for up to twelve hours. So hopefully that works for you.

I’d recommend changing it sooner than twelve hours. While I was awake, I changed mine every four hours, and then it was about ten hours between the time I changed it for bed, actually fell asleep, then woke up and changed it in the morning. I was a bit panicked when I woke up and I was sure I felt moisture between my legs and that the thing had sprung at least a minor leak, but my panty liner was as white as a fresh paper napkin when I checked so it must’ve been a psychosomatic sensation induced by the PTSD associated with my previous menstrual-cup-trauma.

In summation, I have to say that I’m glad I tried this and I’m going to stick with it. It works well. It’s as sanitary as you choose to make it, oh, and it can be sterilized by boiling for extra cleanliness! It’s economical and eco-friendly, which is a big sell for some, but for me, I really love that I don’t feel like I’m on my period when I’m wearing it. PMS sucks, and the whole dirtiness of the pad thing just makes me extra crabby. I hate being dirty, I hate sitting in my blood, I hate the bulky, diaper feel of it, the Always infinity memory foam ones are okay, but still. When I can’t take it anymore, I usually put in a tampon, but they leak for me a lot of the time, plus they seem to slow my flow and make the whole thing just take longer to be over with. I’m not sure if there’s some science behind that, or if it’s just me, but I’d rather just get it all out, quickly and unobstructed. Oh, and the price was good for me as well. Under $40, and it may last up to a year, longer if you choose, but I’ll go with the suggested expiry date of a year. I can definitely get my money’s worth in that timeframe. It actually works out to less than three dollars a month. Woohoo!

So my period, and experiment, is over for this month. Next month I will use it from start to finish, but I did cut out of using it a day early. When I woke up to only a few little rust-coloured drops in the bottom of the cup, I switched it out and finished up with a pad, just to let the last icky bit flow out naturally. Up to each to decide if that’s the call for them.

My only contention, if I can call it that, is that my size two seems a little big. I’m over thirty and have had a child, but he was only six pounds and I’m not really into massively hung dudes, seriously, the spot I’m looking to hit with them isn’t ten inches inside of me so I don’t need all that and it kinda hurts me. So getting the size two in there caused me some minor discomfort. Once it’s in I don’t feel it, but if I’m not moist or aroused, which, yeah, shoving a menstrual cup in there didn’t really do it for me, so maybe I should have tried the size one first. But I don’t have the size one to compare so I can’t say for sure that it would have worked for me. Maybe I just need some lube, or to think sexy thoughts.

I had this crazy dream that I got arrested and strip-searched by a cop. I won’t go into detail but that’s a good one. There were… handcuffs involved… and he spanked me. Meow!

In closing, I solemnly swear that this will be the last blog post about my menstrual cup… unless something goes horribly wrong. Or if something interesting happens and the menstrual cup is involved somehow. Stay tuned!